she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
