Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
