Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
