it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
