Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
