Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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