Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
