5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
