cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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