Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you didnt know i had herpes?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
