im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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