Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
