so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
