It's like a parade of train wrecks.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
