Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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