Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
