..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
