I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
