I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
