Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
