he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
