My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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