I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
