Ambien. No doubt about it.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
