The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
