i just made my gag reflex go away.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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