I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
