i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
