i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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