The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
