if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
