sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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