I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
