belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
