The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
