We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
