remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
