then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
