lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
