I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
worst night to have a conscience
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
