You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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