Just fell off a train. Bad.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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