We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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