How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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