my phone needs a breathalizer
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
