I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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