whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
