i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
