funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
