Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
